First I would like to say happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out in the world.. I love you 💜💜

Dear Diary,

Well, today has always been a day of celebration for all the moms and their children but it seems my mommies day always suck. Nothing special was ever done for me so Mother’s Day just seems like another day. Even when I was with my children’s father, we never did anything special I never got any gifts or presents. I didn’t really care but I’ll never forget my first Mother’s Day it was a special one. I did absolutely nothing. I was fine with that. I’ve accepted it. This Mother’s Day though I’ve been thinking about my own mother a lot, wishing she was here to hold my hand while taking care of my bebe’s kids and also keeping me up when it came to relationships. Keeping me afloat. A daughter is nothing without her mother and I had to learn to live without her very quickly and abruptly. Thru the years I’ve come to term with it. I’ve accepted it.

Flashback: I remember growing up with my mom and when Mother’s Day rolled around I would always find time to make her something special. Even if I didn’t like the end result she always made sure to make me feel like that was the best gift she ever received. It could have been anything from a plucked four leaf clover or yellow daisy to a handwritten Mother’s Day card that I made in school. She always made me feel special. Especially from her I always felt it. I remember old conversations of me telling her not to die before me and that I’ll be very upset with her but her ass didn’t listen 🙄 but I understand. And when she passed away, I accepted it.

Most kids who lose their parents or someone close to them, it can be pretty devastating. Don’t get me wrong, it was tough but I held it all in. Even though I didn’t understand and was boiling inside I held my tongue and never spoke much of it. And it seemed nobody ever wanted to talk about it to me.

But nonetheless, again Happy Mothers Day to not only me and the rest of the world but to my mom. I know you are here with me, even though I can’t see you. I know you are listening, even when I can’t hear you and I know you are holding my hand even though I don’t feel you. 😢❤️

Ciao

-CAM

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